I smell stomach acid.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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