I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
