I bet he comes in French.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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