i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
