ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So vagazzling was a success
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
