Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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