wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
