let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
