I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Is her dick bigger than yours?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
