do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
