Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
