yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
