the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
