Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
