Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈ðŸ˜
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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