Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
