I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
