ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
