Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
