ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
