break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
