Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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