i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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