Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
