I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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