Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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