My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
