he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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