My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
