I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
