I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
