Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
