PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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