I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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