margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Oh god it's open bar.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
