you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
