fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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