her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
