Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
