I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
