I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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