You just made me feel so damn special
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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