Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
