One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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