So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
