there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
so much tequila, so little girl.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
