My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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