If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Someone came in the potted fern
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
