put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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