Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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