Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
