Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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