Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
