so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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